The holidays are typically a time of celebration and social gatherings, but they can also bring about anxiety, loneliness, depression, and a good bit of self-reflection. Feelings of grief may be more pronounced at this time of year as well, when the absence of loved ones from annual events is plainly evident.
The holidays can also heighten the stress Black families face due to economic adversity, and community violence.
How can you prevent a spiral during the holidays? Here are some tips to minimize holiday stress:
Just say “NO!” ‘Tis the season to practice saying no. Many of us frequently say “YES” to invitations, favors, and requests in order to avoid the difficulty and discomfort of saying ‘NO!’ But saying “YES” when we mean “NO” is a recipe for overwhelm and exhaustion. “NO” may be very difficult for a loved one to hear—as difficult as it is for you to say. Stand your ground. Practice your reason for saying “NO” before you need it. Repeat your compassionate refusal as many times as you need to. By using the same words with each repetition, you indicate to your loved one that you aren’t going to be influenced no matter how much pressure he or she lays on.
Chill out for a few: If you’re feeling overwhelmed by everything on your checklist, remember to breathe deeply and take a break. Step away from everything and instead, linger over a cup of tea/coffee/cocoa, exercise, enjoy a warm bath, read a book, go for a walk, or take a nice long nap. Do whatever you need to do to bring your stress levels way down.
Stick to a plan: Create a holiday To-Do list and stick to it. On which days will you shop, bake, attend or host holiday activities, cook, and more. This will help with double booking events, making multiple trips to the store, and keeping you on track so that you are not rushing around and stressing out at the last minute.
Don’t fight the funk. You might feel the blues around the holidays this go-round. Acknowledge your feelings. If someone close to you has recently died or you can’t be with loved ones, realize that it’s OK to feel sadness and grief. It’s normal to shed tears or express feelings. You can’t force yourself to be happy just because it’s the holiday season. Don’t punish yourself for not feeling celebratory. “Forced happiness makes us feel more sad, upset and lonely because we are faking our feelings,” said Dr. Judith Orloff, author of Thriving as an Empath. “Putting on a false front to impress others or prove to them how fine we really are can make us feel like a total impostor,” she said.
If you’re experiencing a mental health crisis, or having thoughts of suicide, go to an emergency room, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (988) or visit the National Alliance on Mental Illness site (nami.org) for additional resources.
Seek support. Lighten the load with a solid support system. Support can come from a lot of places. Many people turn to their friends and families, while others find it in a community or religious organization. There’s another option we need to spread the word about: “Warmlines.” Also free, they are staffed by trained peers who understand what it’s like to struggle with mental health.
Most Warmlines are a 24/7 service, so if your therapy appointment isn’t until next week and your friends and family are unavailable to lend an ear, you’re not out of options. “This allows people to feel validated in their experiences in the moment and not have to wait,” said Dr. Jessica Gold, an assistant professor in the department of psychiatry at Washington University in St. Louis. A Warmline can offer the caller a listening ear in a moment of stress, or where there’s an extreme problem that someone needs either a sounding board for or advice about.
Go to warmline.org/warmdir.html#directory to find a Warmline in your state.
