If you’re over age 50 and have been married for what seems like forever and a day, you might be happy, or just settling for mediocrity. If you’re in a marriage where you fantasize about life without your spouse, then you should question whether your union is healthy or not.
According to research, remaining in an unhappy marriage can seriously affect your physical and emotional health long term. People who choose to stay in marriages that are bad typically fall into the low-esteem category, and they also tend to battle anxiety, depression, and get sick often.
Cultivating a healthy marriage is one of the most important things that you will ever do if you are married, but it is important to pay attention to any signs of unhealthy patterns and possibly work to breathe life back into your relationship.
Is your marriage unhealthy? Take the quiz and wake up!
1. How do you both handle a disagreement?
A. One or both of us are loud and volatile. We talk over each other without listening properly.
B. We discuss our differences, acknowledge if they have a point, and try to calmly work it out.
C. One or both of us bottles it up, and we become slightly passive-aggressive as a result.
2. Are you both happy with the amount of sex you have?
A. No, I want more sex than my partner.
B. My partner wants more sex than I do.
C. Yes, we are both happy with the amount of sex we are having.
3. Do you and your partner have a lot of interests and hobbies in common?
A. Yes, we are best friends and have a lot of similar interests.
B. No, we really don’t have that much in common.
C. We have some things in common, but it would be nice to have more.
4. The longer you are with your partner, do you feel that:
A. Your relationship is growing apart.
B. You are naturally growing and evolving together.
C. Sometimes, you grow apart temporarily, but you tend to put in effort in order to grow together again.
5. After being apart for the day, and when you see each other, do you:
1. Immediately kiss or hug when you see each other?
2. Mumble “Hi,” then get on with other things.
3. Sometimes, give a warm welcome, and sometimes not, depending on your mood.
1. A 2 B 3 C 1
2. A 1 B 2 C 3
3. A 3 B 1 C 2
4. A 1 B 3 C 2
5. A 3 B 1 C 2
If You Scored:
12-15 — You seem to have a good and balanced relationship. Keep working on it as a priority, and it will stay that way. When you have disagreements always make sure you come to an agreement and can easily say sorry and let go. Remember to give to each other at every opportunity. It’s the daily little things that count. Butter each other’s toast, hold each other’s hands and generally put each other first. You obviously bring out the best in one another, and your relationship is growing/evolving over time. Remember that every moment together is precious.
6-11 — Your relationship probably needs a bit of work to take it from good to great. When you are in a disagreement make sure you listen to what the other person is really saying. Chat about your sexual needs and make sure that you’re both able to come to an agreement on what you need as a couple. Make an effort to go out on dates together and do things that are fun. You can easily make your relationship fantastic again. You just need to focus on making it happen.
1-6 — You both need to have a serious chat to see if you really want this relationship to work. If you do, then it is time to really start listening to each other’s needs and see if you can help fulfill them together. Your relationship will need a lot of effort to make it work. If, on the other hand, you can’t see a way to solve your relationship issues, then it might be time to part ways. But if you are both really committed, there is always that possibility of a complete turnaround. If your relationship was once great, you could potentially make it great again, so long as you are both prepared to put in a huge amount of work. Good luck!
Dr. Sophie Keller designed the quiz and is the best-selling author of four books on happiness in relationships, health, and feng shui design. For more information, go to www.howhappyis.com.