After age 50, many folks are forced to face the facts that either their sexual engines are sputtering or have just conked out. There are various reasons for low or no libido at this stage of the game–medications, illness, stress, menopause, andropause (male menopause, a decline in sexual energy), or depression, just to name a few. Suffice it to say, intercourse ain’t what it use to be when you’re seasoned, so outercourse (no sexual penetration) just might be the right move for many. But can you achieve an orgasm without penetration? Well according to sexperts, outercourse is a more inclusive way to approach sex with both partners having greater opportunity to orgasm.
Well, do tell!
It is not only quite possible for couples to truly enjoy great sexual experiences but greater intimacy without penetration. Debby Herbenick, Director of the Center for Sexual Health Promotion at The University of Indiana, recently surveyed 1,055 cisgender (people whose gender identity matches the sex that they were assigned at birth), mostly heterosexual women ages 18 to 94 to discover what a woman really needs to orgasm. According to the study, only 18.4 percent of women can orgasm strictly from intercourse; that’s less than one-fifth of females.
So, sexual penetration ain’t all that!
Here are a few outercourse tips that will introduce more sumptuous sexual pleasure into your bedroom:
Touch each other. When was the last time you sensuously touched your partner using your body and lips? Caress your partner’s body gently, use light touches; try to discover new pleasure points or erogenous zones along the way. Cuddling is another romantic way to feel each other’s body. Massage can help you bond with your mate and try using aromatherapy oils which can help to de-stress. Food play is also a new twist for many. The sensation of warm melted chocolate, or whipped cream on the body can be titillating. (Food items should generally stay away from the anus and genitals, as they can cause an infection in those sensitive areas.) What about bondage? One partner can tie up the other and tease them with kisses, tickles, or massage.
Talk dirty. Words are darn right sexy and can build sexual tension because it laces sex with fantasy and anticipation. Use words to seduce your partner particularly as you are touching them. Let your mate know what you want and need. Add the sexy verbal to physical and you will create a powerful erotic combo!
Breathe together. Don’t laugh! As you’re lying in bed with your boo, look into each other’s eyes. As you do this, become aware of each other’s breath. Now, try to synchronize your breathing so that the two of you are inhaling and exhaling together. This will be easier if you start by breathing more deeply than normal, so that both of you can see, hear, and feel your breaths. Once you’re breathing as one, imagine yourselves melting into each other, not knowing where one of you ends and the other begins. As you get more in tune with each other’s breath, you’ll actually feel each other’s arousal. Breathing can be a great way to sink into the moment.
Change up your kissing technique. Take a trip back to those hot make-out session days. There is nothing like a passionate kiss to get those juices flowing. Use your tongue to explore the inner lips, try a little gentle biting and sucking on the lips. While you’re kissing, let your hands do some exploring. But DO keep this in mind, no matter what is happening, keep your focus on the kiss and on your partner and let nothing distract you – nothing should fascinate you more than the sensation of kissing.
