It ain’t easy being a silver single in this day and age! Dating after a long-term marriage has ended is difficult for many who will oftentimes feel that they are either too old or too out-of-touch to jump back into the dating pool. Yet “gray divorce,” marital splits among seniors, is increasing.
According to a Pew Research Center report, the divorce rate for married people in the U.S. age 50 and older is now about double what it was in the 1990s. And, according to data from the National Center for Health Statistics and U.S. Census Bureau, the divorce rate for those 65 and older tripled from 1990 to 2015. Experts say the trend makes sense. When seniors divorce, it tends to be less acrimonious, and, with people living longer, they don’t want to spend their retirement years in an unhappy union.
Think you might not get another shot at finding companionship post divorce just because you’re a senior? Well, we have some tips that might give you the courage to at least give dating a try:
- Be sure you are emotionally ready to date. You’ve suffered the loss of a relationship, plans, and dreams you shared with a mate who was a staple in your life for quite a while. Are you allowing yourself ample time to grieve? Make sure you are emotionally ready to share your heart with someone new.
- Set physical boundaries. If you are truly moving on from your marriage then make sure that you do! Keep things friendly between you and your ex but make sure the old and comforting hanky panky stays where? Back there! Save the intimacy for the new love in your life. If you continue to get your sex wires crossed with your ex while you’re trying to heal, you will never get closure. An ex is an ex for a good reason! According to Adele Theron, a relationship and divorce coach, exes who decide to have sex again will only allow confusion to reign. “Time will pass. Future dating partners will disappear. Your children will be confused. They will lose respect for you. You will lose respect for yourself. The major drawback is that one partner can have sex and it doesn’t need to mean anything to them, whereas the wounded partner will make sex mean all kinds of things and could wound up getting really hurt.”
- Set up the relationship goals you want. Now that you’re older, there is no need to put up with the s**t you don’t want in a relationship! Only date those folks who have the same set of relationship goals that you do. If you want to remarry, then find that someone who wants to walk down the aisle. If you want to date casually, then look for a mate who won’t mind you calling on them occasionally for a date. Being over 50 means, you are grown and quite capable of setting the kinds of ground rules that you desire!
- Open yourself up to the new. Take the time after your divorce to rediscover yourself. Be open to new challenges, experiences. Break out of your rigid ways and don’t be afraid to test the waters. Go back to school, learn how to drive, take a vacation to a new destination, try a dating site; there are so many things to do and see in this world, don’t limit yourself! Keep this in mind, folks who live a passionate life are more interesting overall!
- Your past does not define your future. Just because your marriage did not work out does not mean your future relationships will be doomed. Take the lessons you learned from your marriage, but don’t let the baggage from it define you. Plunge into love with an open heart! You are now single and divorced, so feel free to look for a love that will help fuel you as a person.
- Kick pessimism to the curb! So what if you stumble across a few bad dates; you will not be doomed to a life of singledom! Keep a positive outlook that one day, that right someone will find you. Positive folks are magnetic; people are drawn to them. So keep it upbeat!