How can we ever forget Dominique Deveraux, who was the first Black bitch on TV? She was portrayed by the late legendary actress Diahann Carroll on the mega-hit 80s TV prime time soap, Dynasty. Carroll’s character was strong-willed; she exuded a regal self-confidence, demanded respect, yet always kept it classy. I have one thing in common with Dominique, and that is: I, too, own the fact that I am a bitch. The term bitch used to be the ultimate insult for women. Now, I have reclaimed the word to mean a DYNAMIC sister who has got her shit together. I am old enough to claim my inner bitch and wear the label proudly!
A real bitch lays claim to her own power; we know what we want and how to get it. Being a people pleaser is not in a bitch’s repertoire. A real bitch has opinions and never shies away from speaking her mind in all situations.
We also do not have to be validated by anyone. If we feel we’re being disrespected by a condescending store clerk or surly waitress, for example, we do NOT just sit and smile uncomfortably. A real bitch is proactive, energized; she takes the reigns and puts back in their place anyone who steps over the line.
We have got to get things off our chest. We remain cool under pressure and do not let you see us sweat. A bitch is empowered; she derives her strength from being an independent thinker. We do not live by anyone else’s standards, just our own.
Contrary to popular belief, a bitch is not a man repellant! Bitches have an edge that many men find magnetic. We are also selective about our availability, which keeps men on their toes. And speaking of men and relationships, we expect to be respected. Men who are in love with us know, we are not afraid to be without them. We can think on our feet and know how to take care of business without relying on a man.
Within a real bitch’s inner sisterhood circle, friends might use the term as an endearing salutation, or in normal conversation but without malicious intent…“Bitch, you’re crazy!” “Bitch, I don’t think so!” In an excerpt from my poetry book You Know, the poem Look Out Brothers, proclaims women like me who live life boldly and make confidence, sexy:
I’m not conceited
I am convinced (no brag, just fact)
Look out brothers
Look out
Like Coffee
I’m HOT, BLACK & SMOKING!!!
I need to clear up some misnomers about the word bitch, and let’s not get it twisted; I am not a mean-spirited bitch. I don’t go around deriding my children, mother, or colleagues. I am not a ghetto bitch with a bad, “I don’t give a fuck attitude.”
I am not a man-hating bitch with an agenda of emasculating every male in my path. I am not a diva bitch who thinks she is better than. I am not an unapologetic bitch who does not know how to say, “I’m sorry,” if I’m wrong. I’m not a high-strung bitch. I am pretty much always on an even keel. And lastly, I am not a crazy bitch. You will never find me wielding a knife and running after some man who has wronged me!
I live my life by the bitch philosophy, ‘I intend to do what I want, be who I am, and answer only to myself.’ I don’t have time for excuses. I know an excuse is a lie disguised as a pretty present. Real bitches don’t make excuses; we do results.
I hope more women will reclaim the term bitch to mean part smarts, part strong, part cunning, part dependable, part ambitious, part confident, part creative, part tough, part motivated, part focused, part badass, part caring, part kind, part loving, part generous, part sensible, part fun, part serious. And when you mix all these parts together, you get one hell of a real bitches brew!
So drink up bitches!