When a love relationship ends, it feels as if the world has come to a complete stop. You can’t eat, sleep, socializing is out of the question; you just don’t want to be bothered. Getting our hearts broken as mature individuals is even more painful because as we age, we look for relationships that will be rewarding, lasting and just merely ‘hooking up’ just won’t do anymore. Our perspective on love changes and love becomes all about finding someone who is substantive, real. Falling in love for an older adult means more than physical beauty and there is definitely no tolerance for game-playing! So as a 50-plusser, when your heart gets broken, mending it is not an easy task.
Psychologist Dr. Guy Winch, author of How To Fix A Broken Heart, has become an expert on healing post-relationship pain after experiencing the phenomenon multiple times. He has narrowed down some of the most common problems you may encounter after a heartbreak – and how to remedy them.
Reminiscing. After a breakup, you might still want to hear your ex’s voice, and look at old photographs of the times that warmed your heart, these responses are signs of withdrawal according to Dr. Winch. Understanding why a break up took place is utmost if you want to move forward in your life.
The blame game. If the relationship ended without clear reasons, “it is not you, it is me,” don’t beg your ex for a reason. Simply create one – Dr. Winch suggests one that is kind to your self-esteem, such as “he had a commitment issue.” By understanding or coming to an understanding about why the relationship has ended, we allow ourselves to stamp out any hopes for reconciliation and move forward with our lives.
Social media stalking is out! Facebook is a tempting place for stalking your ex but DON’T! Snooping your ex’s social media sites will only push you backwards when the object is to move upward and onward from your past relationship. If you are your ex’s Facebook friend, unfriend them post-breakup and do away with all of the other social bridges that once connected you two; make these moves for peace of mind.
Uncontrollable tears. If thoughts of your ex make you weepy, Dr. Winch contends, that you’re not having a mental breakdown. The stress hormone cortisol is to blame for your tears, it affects coping mechanisms. The first step in fixing the problem is understanding that crying is a normal response to a breakup, according to Dr. Winch.
The “my fault” blame game. If you blame yourself for a breakup you create a situation for yourself called “complicated grief.” Putting yourself down because of a breakup can sabotage your healing process, this all plays into low self-esteem which you need to release competely.
The “One” that got away. Believing that you let “the one” get away is not healthy. Looking back on a relationship, it is real easy for our minds to do a number on us, we somehow convince ourselves that we let a “good one” get away. Well, Dr. Winch recommends that you really force yourself to examine the relationship you had and to remind yourself of its flaws. Bringing into focus, how your ex was far from ideal should stop you from obsessing about the perfection label you have slapped on them.
Make new memories. Don’t stop going to the places that you frequented with your ex and instead, reclaim them! Create new memories, take other friends new loves, or celebrate occasions at your old haunts. Making new memories at your old stomping grounds paves the way for even better times.
Don’t quit doing you! The same kinds of activities you did with your ex, continue to do them. Reconnect with the very same person you were before the breakup and work on enhancing YOU, for YOU.
Start dating again! Cast all dating fears and doubts to the wind! Dr. Winch believes that a new mate can make u feel good about yourself by boostng your ego and taking your mind off your broken heart.
Heartbreak is universal, we’ve all been there. So if your heart is on the mend, download a good dating site, indulge in a pint of your fave ice cream and jump back into the dating pool. Mr./Ms. Right is out there somewhere and they are looking for YOU!