As we age, so many things can get in the way of a love relationship especially if a couple has been together for years. Kids, work, daily stressors such as caregiving, can force you to put matters of the heart on a back burner.
There are countless couples whose marriages have morphed into relationships that are strictly business after being together for so many years and in these situations, intimacy is just a memory. If you and your partner are finding that your love life is in a permanent rut, but you’d like to bring back the closeness and desire you once felt for one another, take this simple quiz. Providing honest answers when taking the quiz is a way of getting a conversation started about feelings you’ve long buried.
Take turns reviewing your individual responses, listen intently to what your partner is saying about how their emotional and physical needs are not being met. These questions are all about opening up a dialogue between couples and addressing some grave matters that need attention so that nothing continues to fester.
1. My spouse and I have sex:
- Once every few days
- Once every 1-2 weeks
- Once a month
2. True or False: When you and your spouse do have sex, it seems hurried or rushed, and foreplay is a rarity.
3. True or False: I find that my spouse and/or I don’t care about how often we have sex. It is not a priority.
4. After my spouse and I fight:
- We stay mad at each other for a little while afterward, but eventually make up.
- We make up so quickly that we forget what we fought about.
- We stay angry at each other for days … sometimes not speaking for quite some time.
5. How would you grade your and your spouse’s casual romantic activity (hugging, holding hands, cuddling) as compared to when your relationship first started?
- A+ – We’re constantly showing affection – every minute we’re together. Wherever, whenever, even in public, we’re always in close physical contact.
- C – We hug and smooch an average amount … but maybe not as much as when we first started dating.
- Our affection level has gone downhill since the beginning. Nowadays, my spouse rarely, if ever, shows me affection … and certainly never in public.
6. Do you and your spouse spend much time together, just the two of you?
- Candlelight dinners, movies, weekend getaways … our friends sometimes complain we spend TOO much time alone together!
- I see my spouse so rarely that sometimes I forget what he/she looks like!
- We live busy lives, but we try to make time for each other as much as we can.
7. True or False: I worry about being rejected by my spouse if I attempt to initiate sexual activity with him/her, or I notice my spouse has a fear of me rejecting him/her.
If you are male, answer question No. 8 and skip question No. 9. If you are female, skip question No. 8 and go straight to question No. 9.
8. For men, answer True or False: My spouse makes me feel special on a daily basis, and I feel physically attractive when we are together. I really feel emotionally connected to my spouse.
9. For women, answer True or False: When I am upset about something, I feel that my spouse is sensitive to my needs. I feel comfortable talking with my spouse when I have a problem.
10. True or False: My spouse and/or I are stressed about work or other issues, or have been feeling depressed lately.
If you and your partner are finding it difficult to discuss these questions and feel that your relationship is in crisis mode, seek professional help to possibly save it. The following couples counseling services are affordable and offer licensed therapists with experience and training in couples counseling:
ReGain–plans starting at $45/week, also therapy by phone, chat, video, message board
BetterHelp–plans starting at $35/week, financial aid available, also therapy by phone, chat, video, message board
Faithful Counseling–Christian-based with plans starting at $45/week, therapy by phone, video, message board
My Therapist–plans starting at $55, therapy by phone, video, and chat